perfume etiquette

Dear “the fairer sex,” aka hay ladies!,

Perfume is wonderful. Isn’t it fun to spritz a little bit of magic Marc Jacobs Daisy dust here and there before a big date? Or walk into a mist of essence of Burberry  on your way to ice skating around the Christmas tree at the Galleria in Dallas with all your besties? And isn’t it lovely to be able to splash a tad of Bath and Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar Fragrance Mist to freshen up at the hotel after a long day on the plane? Don’t all of those scenarios sound marvelous?!

Now let me tell you what is not so marvelous, ladies. Let me tell you what I experienced today that inspired this bossy blog post. Picture this:

You are out of shape and trying to run three miles. THREE miles. And that’s a lot for you so it is taking every ounce of effort for you to keep chugging along on that treadmill. On mile two you are kind of dying but you keep breathing–“in your nose, out your mouth, keep going,” you chant silently. Then, suddenly, you get a whiff of something strong. Did someone toot?! No way, too flowery for that. And it is lingering. It is stinging your nose during the “in your nose” portion of the breathing chant. “Out your mouth” tastes like poisonous flowers mixed with a really sweet, sickening candy. And you don’t want to breath but you have to because if you stop you will pass out {which you very well could do anyway} and the treadmill won’t stop and you will have a very ugly bruise/scar/broken body. So you keep breathing the stench. “What in the world?!

Oh wait, it’s the girl who just got on the treadmill next to you who decided to spray a gallon of perfume on before her workout. Really, chick? Really?

So ladies, just so you know, a certain amount of funk is allowed at the gym. In fact, it is encouraged. I mean, don’t go all natural, but Funk =’s Sweat, which =’s Hard Work, which =’s Very Attractive to the fellas. Therefore, perfume that chokes those around you who are trying to work hard and meet their fitness goals is simply not necessary.

The End.

Thank you for those of you who read all the way to the end of this rediculous rant. I wish it was one of those instances like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow where you get a prize, but the only form of gold I have to offer lies in ESPN comercials. Enjoy! Kenny Chesney Elevator   Baseball Arnold Palmer

and so it goes,


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