a cleaner katie {not}

After sweet brother Michael sent me this lovely picture from his office, I was more than motivated to struggle through a day of cleansing.

{At first I hesitated as I mentioned in this post because the cleanse is a little pricey but finally made the leap after seeing that pic of what my fat looks like and how much space it takes up. Eww!}

V__EC44{that’s 5 pounds of fat vs. 5 pounds of muscle, people. gross.}

So, I ordered the Renovation Cleanse from BluePrint. And the journey began.

WP_001292{my package arrived early before I headed to work}

WP_001293{early morning smile. meh…}

WP_001294{getting more excited…}

WP_001295{and simultaneously more worried. it’s GREEN.}

so here’s how this went down:

BluePrint so generously sends you emails with tips and instructions for every step of the way. Here’s a snippit:

When you begin on your first day start off with some water or water with lemon to wake up your system and get things moving. Hot is best, but room temperature is just fine too. Drink your six juices in their numbered order as often as you need to. Because we’re not all operating on the same schedule, a good rule of thumb is to wait at least one hour between juices and to finish the last beverage at least two hours before you sleep. Consuming anything before or close to bedtime does not allow your insides proper rest. Hydrate as much as possible with water and herbal tea or green tea as you can take in between each juice is also a must.

Okay…I’m pumped. Totally ready to do this. So I get out that cute little bottle with the prominent 1 on it and read the ingredients:

Green Juice
Romaine
Celery
Cucumber
Apple (PTL, finally one ingredient I like)
Spinach
Kale
Parsley
Lemon

Hmmm…

I may be a picky eater but I can chug anything, right? Right. Right?? The first (and third) bottle are the same and I’m thinking “hole-y-cow, how am I going to get this down, much less *again* in 3 or so hours?” I do the five senses check: Appearance: green. Not my favorite shade either. Smell: Vegetably and um, you don’t want to know. Sound: Shook it up and it bubbled. Green bubbles. Mmm. Touch: Cold to my tongue when I Tasted it, which wasn’t quite as bad (in one tiny sip) as I expected. Okay, here we go…

Chug, chug, chug, chug (a chant I never learned in college)!

Gulp, gulp, gulp. “Oh no, this is fine, just cold, green stuff sliding down my throat…can’t even tell it is vegetables.” Gulp, gulp.” Oh crap, I can definitely tell.” Gulp. “Oh, I can smell it too.” Gu… “Oh no, {insert several not so nice words in my head}.” Slams cup down. “Nope, can’t do it.” Gaaaaaaaaaaaag. “Oh, please don’t come back up, I don’t want to taste you again.” Gag, gag, gag. “Must. Stay. Down.” Gag/Composing myself. “Okay, where’s the chocolate milk chaser?” Wiping watery eyes. “I definitely can’t do this…who could I get to do this??” Pouring remaining contents back into the cute bottle. “I know who can do this!”

LIGHTBULB!

Kelsey, my friend and Boot Camp Buddy!!! She likes vegetables.

So, the next words you read will be from her. She is beautiful, one of the coolest girls I know, super fit, and all-around awesome. Not queen wimp of all wimps like yours truly.

Cleaner Katie Fail.

and so it goes,

katie

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